What is the meaning of love?
Most people who claim to love someone don’t really love them, because they don’t know what love actually is.
What is love NOT?
Possessiveness is not loveJealousy is not loveLust is not loveFear is not loveKeeping people all to yourself is not loveExpecting something from someone is not love
Real love is unconditional. All other “forms” of love are not really love. Most parents and kids don’t love each other, most people in relationships don’t love each other, most people on the planet never experience unconditional love in their entire lives… or at least it sure looks that way.
To love someone unconditionally means that you love the person exactly as they are, exactly as they were before, and exactly as they will be in the future – because people change all the time, so if you love the person, you will love them even if they become something you disagree with. How many parents can say that about their kids? How many people can say that about their “lover”? Love is not about you or your pleasure or your amusement. It’s not about what you get out of it or what the other person can give to you. It’s not about having a trophy you can show off with and tell people “This is *MY* girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/son/daughter/whatever”. You do not “own” anyone. It’s not about you feeling ‘proud’ to be with someone who always agrees with everything you say and do and never does anything you disagree with. Unconditional love means that the person can just live their life exactly as they choose and you will always be there for them no matter what.
So, how does unconditional love fit in with relationships and marriage and sex and all that stuff the whole world keeps going crazy over? It doesn’t, really. It doesn’t “fit” in anywhere. Relationships are like trying to put love into a box and keep it there, except love is infinitely sized, and the box is… well, there is no box large enough. And a normal, conventional marriage is quite possibly the worst possible way to show someone how much you love them.
Unconditional love is more of a spiritual thing. It’s not bound by physical things, like blood relations and the desire to procreate. It has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. Most people are in relationships because they’re horny and/or lonely, even if they genuinely think they love the other person. But if the person they “love” suddenly lost their “equipment” for whatever reason, would they still want to be with that person? Would they get jealous if the person they “love” wanted to spend time with other people as well? Relationships based on needs are not unconditional.
In order to truly understand love, you must first forget everything you have ever learned about it from society and anyone else (including what I just said). You are the only person who can tell you what love is. The only reason I’m writing all this stuff is because people always try to fit “love” in with things like dating, relationships and marriage and all that. You can’t make any sense of it if you keep doing that. You have to get rid of everything you think you know first.
Possessiveness is not loveJealousy is not loveLust is not loveFear is not loveKeeping people all to yourself is not loveExpecting something from someone is not love
Real love is unconditional. All other “forms” of love are not really love. Most parents and kids don’t love each other, most people in relationships don’t love each other, most people on the planet never experience unconditional love in their entire lives… or at least it sure looks that way.
To love someone unconditionally means that you love the person exactly as they are, exactly as they were before, and exactly as they will be in the future – because people change all the time, so if you love the person, you will love them even if they become something you disagree with. How many parents can say that about their kids? How many people can say that about their “lover”? Love is not about you or your pleasure or your amusement. It’s not about what you get out of it or what the other person can give to you. It’s not about having a trophy you can show off with and tell people “This is *MY* girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/son/daughter/whatever”. You do not “own” anyone. It’s not about you feeling ‘proud’ to be with someone who always agrees with everything you say and do and never does anything you disagree with. Unconditional love means that the person can just live their life exactly as they choose and you will always be there for them no matter what.
So, how does unconditional love fit in with relationships and marriage and sex and all that stuff the whole world keeps going crazy over? It doesn’t, really. It doesn’t “fit” in anywhere. Relationships are like trying to put love into a box and keep it there, except love is infinitely sized, and the box is… well, there is no box large enough. And a normal, conventional marriage is quite possibly the worst possible way to show someone how much you love them.
Unconditional love is more of a spiritual thing. It’s not bound by physical things, like blood relations and the desire to procreate. It has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. Most people are in relationships because they’re horny and/or lonely, even if they genuinely think they love the other person. But if the person they “love” suddenly lost their “equipment” for whatever reason, would they still want to be with that person? Would they get jealous if the person they “love” wanted to spend time with other people as well? Relationships based on needs are not unconditional.
In order to truly understand love, you must first forget everything you have ever learned about it from society and anyone else (including what I just said). You are the only person who can tell you what love is. The only reason I’m writing all this stuff is because people always try to fit “love” in with things like dating, relationships and marriage and all that. You can’t make any sense of it if you keep doing that. You have to get rid of everything you think you know first.
Unconditional Love vs Marriage
The conventional marriage is quite possibly the worst way to show someone you love them.
Unconditional love makes marriage look primitive and restrictive in comparison. If the people getting married really loved each other that much, there’d be no need whatsoever to promise to stay together. They just would – because they want to. What more do you need?
Something along the lines of polyamory is a more ideal situation, even if you don’t find more than one person to be with. It’s the thought that counts – letting people be free, and not thinking you have some kind of right to demand that they not look at, talk to, hang out with or go out with anyone else.
If people get married and then years later realize they’re miserable together… there’s no point whatsoever in staying together anyway just ’cause they promised they would. I don’t think that’s “noble” or “courageous”… it’s cowardly. And mean. ‘Cause they’d probably both be happier and better off if they split up.
So, my conclusion is that marriage is unnecessary, but I am not totally opposed to the idea as a concept. It’s just been about as badly abused as the word “love” has. There is nothing wrong with two (or more!) people promising each other that they’re gonna stay together no matter what, as long as they were going to do that anyway and are not using the promise to force themselves to keep at it if they fear that someday they may change their minds and not want to anymore.
The conventional marriage is quite possibly the worst way to show someone you love them.
Unconditional love makes marriage look primitive and restrictive in comparison. If the people getting married really loved each other that much, there’d be no need whatsoever to promise to stay together. They just would – because they want to. What more do you need?
Something along the lines of polyamory is a more ideal situation, even if you don’t find more than one person to be with. It’s the thought that counts – letting people be free, and not thinking you have some kind of right to demand that they not look at, talk to, hang out with or go out with anyone else.
If people get married and then years later realize they’re miserable together… there’s no point whatsoever in staying together anyway just ’cause they promised they would. I don’t think that’s “noble” or “courageous”… it’s cowardly. And mean. ‘Cause they’d probably both be happier and better off if they split up.
So, my conclusion is that marriage is unnecessary, but I am not totally opposed to the idea as a concept. It’s just been about as badly abused as the word “love” has. There is nothing wrong with two (or more!) people promising each other that they’re gonna stay together no matter what, as long as they were going to do that anyway and are not using the promise to force themselves to keep at it if they fear that someday they may change their minds and not want to anymore.
Real truth of life
Love is not jus a physical relationship which should be there between both loving persons.
Love stays everywhere whereever we have trust on our other mate.
Love increases with the trust that we are keeping on our mate.
So never search where is the love it always stays with us till we die.Just try to get that love out from you so that we can give true love to others.
i have read all of your earlier blogs srikanth .. but this is my favorite of all .. chaala baaga raasav ra .. loved the line "Unconditional love makes marriage look primitive and restrictive in comparison" ...
ReplyDeletevery well written ra .. !! Kudos .. !!